Pastoral Search Committee Report

In our search for a suitable pastor, the following scratch sheet was developed for your perusal. The list contains the names of the candidates and comments on each.

• Noah: He has 120 years of preaching experience, but no converts.

• Moses: He stutters, and the former congregation says he loses his temper over trivial things.

• Abraham: He took off to Egypt during hard times. We heard that he got into trouble with the authorities and then tried to lie his way out.

• David: He is an unacceptable moral character. He might have been considered for minister of music had he not "fallen."

• John: He says he is a Baptist but lacks tact and dresses like a hippie. He would not feel comfortable at a church potluck supper.

• Peter: He has a bad temper and was heard to deny Christ publicly.

• Paul: We found him to lack tact. He is too harsh, his appearance is contemptible, and he preaches far too long.

• Timothy: He has potential but is much too young for the position.

• Jesus: He tends to offend church members, especially Bible scholars, with his preaching. He is also too controversial. He even offended the search committee with His pointed questions.

• Judas: He seemed to be very practical, cooperative, good with money, concerned for the poor, and professionally dressed. We all agreed that he is just the man we are looking for to fill the vacancy as our Senior Pastor.