Sunday, September 12, 2010

Hoping for a Broken Heart


Slow down; I know you are busy. Reading this post right is going to take some time. If you just scan it, you will miss something good. I've spent the week going over it each day and there is still so much more. Relax, take a deep breath...okay, let's go.

Thoughts from my reading in Whiter Than Snow: Meditations on Sin and Mercy by Paul David Tripp. I have broken up the original format a bit by putting space between thoughts. My comments are in red.

A broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
Psalm 51:17

I am too satisfied
with the things I say
the things I do
the attitudes
of heart
that shape my reactions
day
after
day
after day.

A deeper dissatisfaction might lead to less frequency of these things. Lord, stir my heart.

I too easily
accept
quick assessments
of my own righteousness
in situations
where I have been
anything but
righteous.

It wasn't too bad. At least I'm not like....

I am too skilled
at mounting
plausible arguments
structured
to make me feel okay
about what I think
what I desire
what I say
what I do.

If only people could see things my way. If only they could understand my superior view.

I am too defensive
when a loved one
makes an attempt
to call me out
and suggest
for a moment
that what I
have decided
said
or done
is less than
godly.

I am not!

I am too
comfortable
with the state of things
between
You and me
too relaxed
with the nature
of my love for You
too able to
minimize
my need for Your
grace.

I'm sorry Lord that I forget how awesome You are and how small I am without You.

In the recesses
of my private
world
there is so much
that is wrong
that I am able
to convince myself
is right.
There are attitudes there
that should not be.
There are words there
that should not be
spoken.
There are thoughts
that do not agree
with Your view
of me
and mine.
There are desires
that take me in a
different direction
than what You have planned
for me.
I make decisions
based more on what
I want
than on what
You will.

I need Your transforming power in my life; I'm not doing very well when things are done my way. May I have eyes to see, a heart like Yours, pure thoughts and complete submission to your will.

So I am hoping
for
wise eyes
that are able
to see through
the cloud of
self-righteousness
and see myself
as I actually
am.

Can I bear this? Will you hold my hand?

I am praying
for
wise ears
that are able
to hear through
the background noise of
well-used platitudes
and hear myself
with clarity.

The sound of my doings can be unpleasant at times.

And I am longing
for
a humble spirit
that is willing
to
accept and confess
what You reveal
as You break through
my defenses
and show me
to me.

The mirror must be dirty...that isn't really me is it...?

I am hoping
for
a broken heart.

A question from the meditation:

Where specifically is God calling you to spiritual unrest and dissatisfaction? How would this dissatisfaction change the way you live?

That my spiritual disciplines would not just be "good works" but produced by a heart whose highest desire is relationship with God. The change would produce a longing for genuine prayer, lingering in Scripture beyond checking off the day's reading and power to serve.

Philip



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