Why I Stayed – The Choices I Made in My Darkest Hour

I just finished reading the book Why I Stayed by Gayle Haggard. Gayle is the wife of Ted Haggard. Ted was the pastor of New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado. In November 2006, it was revealed that Ted was involved with a homosexual prostitute and used illegal drugs. The book was a fascinating read. I only spent about three days on it; it was hard to put down.

As I guess is inevitable from a book like this, it is definitely from Gayle’s and probably Ted’s perspective. A lot of hurt is expressed over being cut off from their church and having to move away from Colorado Springs. I can’t imagine another way of dealing with the situation. Gayle points out that Ted repented soon after the accusations became public. She seems to think that they should have been able to have contact with the church, its staff and members soon after too.

A group of men called overseers were brought in to deal with the situation. According to the church’s bylaws it was the job of these men to become involved in a time like this. From the Haggard’s perspective, they should have become uninvolved as soon as Ted admitted his sin and agreed to resign. I can’t imagine how difficult the overseer’s job must have been. Gayle admits a lot of anger toward these men.

The book gives some detail of the things Ted was involved in that led to his downfall. Some of the things like drug use I had heard of when they were accusations but I had never heard them admitted to. Other things like pornography and masturbation I hadn’t heard of but they are things I would have expected to be a part of his story as they are essential stepping stones to the other behaviors.

I have a feeling the Haggards will look at things a little different in ten or twenty years. Their wounds will take some time to heal and after that time they will probably understand why things had to be done the way they were. I know it must have been incredibly painful to be cut off from your friends and ministry associates but what alternative was there? Ted was a very powerful leader, started the church 21 years before and I can’t imagine anything other than chaos if they had been allowed to show up at church. The consequences of sin are horrible. Even with repentance, the repercussions can continue for a long time.

The focus of the book is Gayle’s decision to stay with Ted. She admitted she had Biblical grounds for divorce and if she had taken that option who would have disagreed. The book also painfully details what it was like for her when the truth came out. Anger, betrayal and shock were just a few of the emotions she experienced. I don’t think she is a woman who is mindless or one who didn’t want to admit what had happened. What I do see is a woman who loves Jesus and understood forgiveness and redemption. She understood that divorce wouldn’t have fixed things and would have only created a whole new set of problems. You need to read the book to get the whole understanding of what she went through and the choices she made. Her story is amazing considering the frivolous reasons so many Christian men and women give these days for divorcing their spouses.

I highly recommend this book with a caveat: be careful of taking the Haggard’s side against New Life Church and the others who ended up having to deal with them. I’m sure there is a lot of the story untold. But do learn from Gayle’s decision to learn love and forgiveness in a whole new way.

Philip

Where to get and more info:
Why I Stayed: The Choices I Made in My Darkest Hour