Confession

It's hard for me to say "I'm sorry."

Here is what I know about that: from somewhere deep inside I feel like I can't apologize until the problem is fixed. Time must pass that proves my repentance then I can show by my behavior that I am truly sorry.

Here is one problem: most of the time I am not fixed. The problem/mistake/sin recurs so I am back to the beginning over and over.

So one big benefit of this defect is that my family doesn't hear me say I'm sorry very often. It's easy for them to conclude that I am not or that I don't care or that I am oblivious to the problem.

Another thing that complicates stuff is when people throw the apology in your face. "You said you were sorry before so why did you do it again." That reinforces the bad idea that you have to be fixed before you apologize.

As I was listening to a message this last week I was challenged that a mark of humility is owning up to your sins and admitting them to God and other people. It was also very encouraging in saying that we are all messed up and will continue to be so perfection is not the standard.

I don't have a problem saying I am sorry to God. I know from experience and His Word how he deals with me. He doesn't bring up the past or question my motive. He delights to forgive and restore the relationship.

It's with people where the problem manifests itself and that's who I live with and sin against every day.

My most common sin is with my tongue. I agree with James 3:8 that says: But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. I can't fix it for sure. But what is impossible with man is possible with God. I don't set out to sin with my tongue but I do it over and over especially if certain buttons are pushed. I think over the past few years I have started recognizing certain situations that precede a fall. Just this last week God showed me some specific ways to avoid this sin. I need to see that if I go down a certain path I will probably end up saying something I regret. I need to pay attention when I see the sign - Do Not Enter - Danger Ahead.

But even with this I will still sin. So what I am going to try to practice is saying I'm sorry as soon as possible. I can't control what other people do with it after that. If I do the right thing then at least there is the opportunity for things to be made right.

Philip