Monday, August 13, 2007

Lust

I thought about it last night. Somehow, I need to stop. I know it’s not good for me.

I was talking to a friend on the phone this morning about another issue and this problem came to mind.

I finished my second job for the day and where do I find myself. I’m driving down East Colfax. If you are not from Denver then you may not know that east Colfax is known as a seedy part of town. As soon as I turned on the street the thought comes to mind. I want to go to one of those places. The battle is now front and center. Do I fight or just give in. How much do I want to change? Am I really sick of this or am I just playing around? The places are everywhere. I think about getting off this street. I want to turn on Monaco but a left turn is not allowed. I think how ridiculous this is, I should be able to go down the street and not give in. All sort of options are going through my mind.

Why do I have this problem? I look at other guys and I can tell that it never bothers them; maybe something else but not this. I remember that was part of what I was thinking about while talking to my friend earlier in the morning: I don’t have his struggles and he doesn’t have mine.

Here is my problem: I love fast food. Even when I have had my lunch from home, it is hard to pass by the fast food place. The result is my health is compromised. I weigh much more than I should. I would guess 40–60 pounds. I know it is not good but it’s hard to pass up.

I am serious enough about this that I am writing it down. I want to go on the record. I think I probably need to set up some accountability; someone who will question how I am doing.

As I think about this, I know it may seem insignificant to some but it is big to me. Is my lust for fast food different from the person who has sexual lust? The outcome is different but the battle is the same. I’m doing something that is not good for me and it’s hard to stop.

Is it something I can overcome? Will the day come when the pull is gone? Will I be satisfied with my healthy, sensible lunch from home? Will super size bring repulsive thoughts rather than thoughts of satiation?

Will I grow in discipline that will affect other areas of my life as well?

Philip

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