Why Won't You Apologize?

It’s in our most enduring and significant relationships that people become too mad to apologize. One or both parties may be convinced that the relationship can’t move forward if the other doesn’t consider his or her behavior and apologize for it. Yet there may be little agreement on who started it, what the offense is, what’s required to mend it, and who needs to apologize first. 

We automatically look for the one to blame, the person who “started it,” but relationships don’t work that way. Relationships operate in a circular, not linear, fashion, the behavior of each person provoking and reinforcing the behavior of the other. The real question is not who started it, or who is to blame, but rather what each  person can do to change his or her steps in the dance. 

~From Why Won't You Apologize by Harriet Lerner

I can't give them all here but read the book for some achievable solutions to common problems.

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Why Won't You Apologize by Harriet Lerner