Denver Samson Society

Friendship and Discipleship for Christian Men

If you are in the Denver area we invite you to join us.

We meet every Saturday night from 6:30 - 7:30. After, we gather at a restaurant for some real fellowship and encouragement.

See our website for the meeting location, for what happens at a meeting and information on what the Samson Society is all about.

I hope to see you there!

Philip

Work in Progress

One of the things I have been learning lately is that it’s okay to be a work in progress. What comes with that understanding is it’s okay to admit that I have areas in my life that need work. I’m not perfect but I’m also not where I was previously.

A couple things got me thinking about this. One was a Christian movie I heard about recently. The basic story is about a guy who was a messed up jerk. He was dishonest in business and treated his family poorly. He becomes a Christian, everything changes, and they live happily ever after. It wasn’t quite that simple but you get the idea.

I know that when I became a Christian at eighteen years old, which was almost thirty-seven years ago, things changed dramatically. It wasn’t just saying some prayer then going on as before. So I do believe that there can and should be a big change in someone’s life when they come to Christ.

Where I think we go wrong is in thinking all change in our life can be as easy as those times when God does something dramatic and things are changed in a moment of time. I’m thankful for those experiences but it seems most of the time it’s a slow uphill battle with various setbacks and failures.

I think of the stories of Old Testament battles. There are times that God’s people had to fight face to face with the enemy and there was blood and guts everywhere. Then there were some times where God did something and they stood on a hill and watched as the enemy was defeated.

Another problem with a wrong understanding of change in our lives is how we look at others or how they look at us. How many wives have gone to a nice Christian movie like the one I mentioned then wished their husband was like Mr. Wonderful? Or how about all the fiction written for Christian women? Mr. Wonderful in those stories is rarely like the lump they live with at home. The same thing can happen when husbands look at their wives through distorted glasses.

In our instant world, we want things to happen now. We don’t like to wait. We may feel that if we really repented then why are we going down the same road again. Or we look at a spouse, child or some other person and think the same thing.

Because of some of my feelings like that, I have a hard time saying I’m sorry. I figure I will probably do the same thing again and then the apology will ring hollow. I think all of us have had an apology thrown in our face. The accusation is that we obviously didn’t mean it. Many times, I have felt that I needed to conquer the problem before saying I’m sorry.

Another thing that got me thinking about this was something I read recently. The writer said that the church likes the victorious testimony but we don’t do very well with the unfinished one. We like to hear the story of Joe Horrible who is now Mr. Together. There isn’t much middle ground. How safe is it to tell the truth in church or in a men’s group? Many times brutal honesty is met with condescending stares, pithy advice or a trip to the woodshed.

I am a member of the Samson Society. We are a group of guys who are working to escape isolation. That isolation has kept us from others and made us feel that we are the only one with a problem like ours. We are committed to telling the truth and listening without trying to fix.

I am learning to be honest about what is going on in my life. It may be a good week or a bad one. I can speak about what is going on when I have no clue about how to fix it. My brothers will listen knowing that it’s not their job to fix it either. We are learning that we can’t fix ourselves or each other; that’s God’s job.

And here is the amazing thing. In that safe, honest environment the power of secrets is broken. There is great liberation in telling the truth and then finding I am not the only one who has felt a certain way. Others are honest with their past and present and through that, we lift each other up. We know we are not perfect and before we get it right, we will probably mess up a lot more.

I am a work in progress. My greatest desire in life is to follow and please Jesus. I am also a messed up man who has a long way to go. It’s not a bad road to be on.

Philip

Self Examination

Recently I was thinking about the need for self-examination. My thoughts were provoked by a section from the Samson Society Path. Here is what it says: I develop the daily disciplines of prayer, study and self-examination.

I do fairly well with prayer and study but I feel a lack in the self-examination area. I wondered if there was a list or something like that that would help. I did a Google search and found the results somewhat humorous. There was breast self-exam, testicular self-exam, various cancer self-exams and gynecological self-exam but I had to sift through a lot of results to find anything close to what I was looking for. In the end I was disappointed not to find what I wanted.

What really motivated my quest is knowing how easy it is to be self-deceived. We see it all the time; people fully convinced that what they are doing is okay yet the Bible says something different. Or maybe the law or another source of wisdom contradicts their belief.

My wife’s grandmother used to say, “You can’t put God in a box.” That was usually her way of justifying something she wanted to do or believe when the Bible said something different. It’s easy for any of us to do the same either through ignorance or stubbornness.

So how do we examine ourselves? Honesty would be the starting place but there are so many times when we think something is right because it’s what we think. My perspective, background and experiences color so much of my thinking without me realizing it.

I finally came to the conclusion that this is one of the places where we really need other people in our life. If they are honest, they can tell us a lot about ourselves. It’s another place where God pushes us toward community.

In the Samson Society, a focus of the meeting is a time to tell the truth about yourself. It’s a time where you can speak without interruption, without judgment or without someone giving you tips on the solution to your problem. There is something very healthy about that kind of environment. It’s an opportunity to look inside and learn to tell the truth.

The real strength of the Samson Society is the “Silas” relationships that develop. This is where the real work happens. It’s where another person, in the privacy and security of that relationship is able to help me see things about me that I may be blind to or to give me a different perspective.

As I thought more about self-examination I realized that it will never be complete if it only involves self. I need others who know me to help with that process.

The other night I was reading an article in World Magazine about Mark Sanford, the disgraced governor who had to publically confess his adultery. It quoted a spiritual leader in Sanford’s community who tried through the years to get him into an accountability type relationship. Even though Sanford agreed with the need, it never materialized. Another problem was he rarely made it to church. Now his sin is public knowledge, the future of his 20 year marriage is in doubt, and his four young children will have to live with the consequences of his sin. With the right kind of relationships in his life, he may have avoided this disaster.

Honest examination of our lives both through our own and others eyes will go a long way to keep us out of trouble and to guide us on the right path.

If you are a man, I would recommend you check out the Samson Society. If you are in the Denver area, check out our local chapter. It may provide what is missing in your life. To get an idea of what a meeting is like, click this link.

Philip

Silent No More

I was reminded the other day of an organization called Silent No More.

A few years ago, I was privileged to be at a small rally at the Colorado state capitol building. The speakers outnumbered the listeners. After an introduction, woman after woman got up and told their story. For most, this was the first time they told their secret. The common theme was, "I regret my abortion."

Being there and hearing these women speak was one of the most moving experiences of my life.

There were women in their 50's who had kept their abortion secret since they were in their teens. It became clear that the secret haunted them almost every day. Finally they could talk and for some it was the beginning of healing.

I belong to the Samson Society. It's a group of men who are tired of secrets and of living in isolation. We are learning to tell the truth in a safe environment and to welcome the involvement of our brothers in our lives.

Both of these groups have something in common. Most of the time the church was not a safe place to tell the truth.

I cried as I heard these women tell their stories. I hurt for them, for so long their shame had no outlet. I'm so glad for the grace and forgiveness they can experience in Christ. I'm glad that they can be silent no more.

Philip

Time for Change?

How would you like to be in Eliot Spitzer's shoes right now?

How would you like to be living the nightmare of having your deepest secrets revealed on the front page of the nation's newspapers?

What's your secret? We all have them and most of us share something else - we don't have a place where we can be honest.

Let's admit it, most churches or men's groups are not safe. It shouldn't be that way but it is. It's true even in the small things. Where can I talk about what is really going on in my life? Where can I admit that I need help as a parent, that my marriage is messed up and I'm worried how I am going to pay the bills.

Or how about the other stuff? What about those bad habits? What about that thing you just can't shake? What about that stuff that is threatening your very existence? Deep down you want help but the fear of what will happen if someone else knows, keeps you suffering in silence and defeat has become the norm.

Or, maybe this isn't you but it's someone you know. You have a friend who is stuck. He wants to go the right way but just can't get moving or keep moving.

I offer hope. There is a path out of the mess. There are other guys on their way who would welcome more traveling companions.

The Samson Society is a group of men who are learning what true friendship and authenticity is all about.

It's not a place of finger pointing or where some guys exercise superiority other others. It's a safe, confidential place where you can begin the walk you've heard about or maybe had once.

In Denver we meet on Saturday night for about an hour then go hang out at a restaurant. For some of us, it's become the highlight of our week. Our lives are changing and we are becoming the men we want to be.

For more information, check out the web pages for the Denver Samson Society or the national Samson Society.

Philip

Isolation

Here is a lesson I am learning: it’s not good to be alone. The Bible says that in Genesis 2:18: Then the Lord God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." Specifically it is talking of God making woman for man but it’s application is much greater. I need my wife and I need friends too.

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him--a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

This is something I am learning through the Samson Society. I meet with a group of guys every week and I call a friend almost every day. I try to be open about what is going on in my life. I’m learning that I don’t have to do it all by myself. I’m finding the synergistic strength that comes from more than one.

I was able to put it into practice this week. My wife and I went to a marriage conference last weekend and had a great time. As soon as it was over, we learned that a bad situation had happened at home while we were gone. As we drove home, I listened to my work voicemail messages and heard from a customer who expressed concern that I had damaged a sink while doing a re-grout job in her bathroom. Talk about horrible timing! I kept that to myself figuring there was enough going on already.

The next morning I called the customer and was glad to hear that she had calmed down. I listened to what she had to say and told her I would do some research and get back to her. Then I did something I rarely do. I told my wife what was going on. Usually I would hold it in and try to figure out what to do. It felt so good to spread my burden around. It felt good to force myself out of isolation. It felt good to hear her encouragement and sympathy.

It took two days but I was able to research the problem, talk to some tile companies and in the end the customer was satisfied that I hadn’t caused the problem. It was probably something already there that she hadn’t noticed before.

I told my friends in the Samson Society the story last night. I was thankful that together we are learning to step out of isolation. Our lives are becoming an open book with each other and that is carrying over to other areas and relationships as well.

I have to push myself to open up. I find it hard to come up with the words to express what is going on let alone what is going on inside. I usually want to have things figured out before I talk about them; I’m learning to express the unfinished. It’s also hard to talk about things going on in my life when I know the answers. I feel silly when I know the solution but can’t seem to put it into practice.

God is telling me that I need other people, we all do. He didn’t create me do be a lone ranger. The devil likes me to be alone, easier to pick me off that way. There is no such thing as a self-made-man; just guys who fail to realize how much others have helped them.

It’s hard but I’m going to keep pushing against the wall of isolation. I find joy in collective strength and I find peace in knowing others are watching my back.

Philip

Surrender

Most of us are slow to recognize that we have lost the war against our besetting sin. We deceive ourselves about the progress of that war, taking false comfort in inconsequential successes, distracting ourselves with elaborate battle plans and issuing orders to internal forces we cannot control. Our losses continue to mount, affecting everyone around us, but we ignore them. We imagine that we are "fighting the good fight" against sin, but the battle is already lost. All that remains is the formality of surrender–and the opportunity, the wondrous alternative, of surrendering to God instead.

Until we grasp the magnitude of our defeat, the prospect of surrendering to God is distasteful to us. We recoil at the thought of giving up, fearing a loss of our imagined liberty, and we frantically carry on our feeble resistance. But on that great and awful day when the inner defensive ring finally collapses, we fall toward God exhausted, and there to our inexpressible relief we find welcome instead of rebuke, dignity instead of shame, and life instead of death.

From Samson and the Pirate Monks

Whose struggle is this? Is it common to every Christian or is it only speaking of really bad sinners who aren't serious about following Jesus?

One of my Samson Society friends read this book quote Saturday night. It landed on all of us like a ton of bricks. But it was good!

I think everyone of us must pass through this struggle and more than once – sometimes every day. Sin and the devil are on a rampage and we are in a battle for our very souls. It's something we will fight until we are out of this world.

Being the proud people we are, we want to do it ourselves. Somehow, we think we can demonstrate our spirituality by winning the battle. That is where this book quote comes in. All we can do is surrender. No matter how long I walk with Jesus, I will never be able to do it alone. My flesh will always be my filthy flesh. My righteousness will always be as discarded menstrual rags (Isaiah 64:6).

And what about that besetting sin? I think that is common to all of us. There is that one (or more) thing we just can't get a handle on. Some would call it a thorn in the flesh. The thing that keeps us from boasting and drives us to the cross (2 Corinthians 12:7-10).

The solution is surrender–I am hopelessly lost and weak. In that surrender I find victory and a Lord who speaks words of comfort, strength, peace and life. I am home where I belong.

We can't focus on the failures. We need to admit defeat, confess our sin (again), ask God to fill us with the Holy Spirit and continue to walk in the right direction. I'm also finding it is good to have a friend we can share these struggles with. That person can remind us that we are in a battle common to all Christians and that our concern about our sin shows that we really do want to walk with Jesus.

Not so bad after all.

Philip

Shame

We talked about shame the other night at our Samson Society meeting. Shame that makes us hide, that makes us afraid to be real with others and shame that can crush us.

A thought came to mind that I read in a book by Paul Coughlin called No More Christian Nice Guy. It was about the difference between guilt and shame. He speaks of the abuse in his childhood and the effect. “The abused carry a belief that there is something wrong with them not because they are sinners but because they are defective.” One thing he shows is this results in confusion between guilt and shame. Listen to this:

Guilt is not destructive to a person, because it's a response to what he does, and because something can be done about it. We can acknowledge our wrongdoing, change our behavior, and experience forgiveness.

Shame, however, goes beyond the understanding that "I did wrong things" to "I am worthless through and through." This is an anti-biblical view of creation, a lie that, when believed, robs YOU of how you perceive your own value.

Many men carry that shame either from childhood abuse or from the pressure of a world that views them as defective.

_______________________

Here is something I read last week, written by Nate Larkin’s (a Samson cofounder) pastor:

The best way to describe The Samson Society is through a well-known story recorded in Mark’s gospel. One day, four good friends took their paralyzed friend to Jesus on a mat, each man grabbing a corner. Removing the tiles of, perhaps, a stranger’s roof, they risked lowering their friend to the One rumored to have the power to heal.

A typical Samson Society small group consists of five broken men and one mat-each one taking his turn on the mat, while the other four learn how to carry another man to Jesus. The accountability these men give one another focuses first on hearing and believing the gospel together. From that core value, “busting” each other for indiscretions and encouraging one another in important disciplines flow.

Restoring Broken Men
by Scotty Smith

I do want to put the word busted, used above, in context. That doesn’t happen in a Samson meeting. It may happen in a Silas relationship. That’s where you tell your story day after day to a friend who you have chosen to walk along with you. Most of the time each of us knows where we have messed up. It is those things that have pushed us into the dark corner of isolation. We don’t need anyone else to tell us. What we do need is another guy, who is not me, to listen, pray, tell us we are not alone, tell us we are like all other men, not some freak of reprobation. Yes, we need a savior; we know that too. And sometimes we need another guy or group of guys to help us reach that Savior.

Philip

Escape

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13

Last night the suggested topic at the Samson Society meeting was escape. Two perspectives were brought out. One was the escape mentioned in the above verse. When we are tempted, God provides a way of escape. Another perspective is that sometimes we commit various sins as a way of escape from the problems and stresses of life.

Several things came to my mind during the discussion. One was a quotation that I have carried on my PDA for many years. It is on endurance:

When you feel you cannot continue in your position for another minute, and all that is in human power has been done, that is the moment when the enemy is most exhausted, and when one step forward will give you the fruits of the struggle you have borne.

Sir Winston Churchill

I pictured in my mind how many times we are on the edge of victory and fail to take the final step that would have led us into another realm. Or, maybe it is when I hold my tongue during an argument and the result is a small victory toward proper communication. I was also reminded by this quote that my enemy is tired. Sometimes the strongest will determines the winner. I remember that when I am weak then Christ can be strong on my behalf. His will takes the place of mine and victory comes.

So we have two kinds of escape, the one God provides and the false one. I picture the false one as a very broad road with a flashy sign and many false assurances. The one God provides may seem obscured and the path is much narrower. Sometimes we can’t even see it until we take the step of faith beyond the easy road. Our experience tells us that the wrong escape route usually leads to a messy situation.

Another thing that came to mind was something I read in my devotions yesterday morning. Here it is:

Using Prayer to Overcome Temptation

Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. Matthew 26:41

Christian men continually face temptation. Our world seems to thrive on appeals to our desire for material goods, worldly pleasures, and self-gratification. Yet, continued praying strengthens Christian men spiritually, morally, and ethically. With prayer, overcoming our temptation is certainly possible.

Jesus made this truth plain to Peter in the garden the night of the Savior's arrest and trial. Jesus was facing perhaps the hardest night of His life. He was facing the cross, and He knew it! The Bible says that Jesus fell back on His continual habit of prayer to make it through that night. He realized that prayer would be a source of strength for Him.

And at one point, Jesus told Peter to learn from what he had seen. Not only on that one night but also for the rest of his life, Peter would have to keep praying, especially if he wanted to fight temptation. Jesus then uttered those oft-quoted words, "the spirit is indeed willing, but the flesh is weak".

We have remembered those words fairly well, probably because they seem to give us an excuse for not performing well. We should have remembered the preceding words--"Watch and pray, that you do not enter into temptation"--for they give us the way to win over sin.

Father, as I now pray, please help me to overcome the temptation that I'm now facing. Amen.

From God’s Man
A Daily Devotional Guide to Christlike Character
Edited by: Don M. Aycock

These are good words. Step by step and prayer by prayer we become more like Christ – the thing we truly desire.

Philip

Impulse

I did something dumb yesterday. It was an impulse; I acted without thinking. I was ashamed almost immediately. I thought about it all day. Last night in our Samson Society meeting, the discussion topic was pride. I knew I had to come clean.

Here is something Nate Larkin said on I, Samson that helped me understand myself. He was talking about the difference between Samson and David. It was about reflex verses reflection; just doing verses thinking.

Samson took on a very confrontational style. His first large scale provocation of the Philistines actually was an escalation of a cycle of confrontation that he had started by picking a fight. He started catching foxes and when he had caught 300 of them, he put them together in pairs, tied their tails together, tied torches to the tails, lit them and set the foxes loose in the Philistine fields. They responded in fury and they invaded.

Early on when he was a young man, he had developed the habit of wandering alone through Philistine territory looking for trouble…

I have done this a lot in my life. I’ve picked some fights with the enemy that got me in more trouble than I expected. Of course, I didn’t think about it so expectation of consequences wasn’t really part of it. I’ve also picked fights within my family. Done something or said something dumb and then been left with the consequences.

This is an area of my life where I would like to be changed. I need transformation so that my actions don’t harm my family or the cause of Christ. I don’t want to end up like Samson.

So here is the story: I went to the Columbus Day Parade in downtown Denver. One of my sons was with me. The American Indian Movement and various other radical and anarchist groups decided to block the parade route. The police were ready and cleared the street. The parade started and awhile later another group of them blocked the street again. A guy stood in front of where we were standing. He was obviously one of the organizers of the protest. I made a comment to him that it seemed that a lot of the protestors were professionals and weren’t really there because of Columbus but because they had some other beef with the city or with America in general. Then a woman joined him. She was taking pictures. On impulse I flashed my hand in front of her camera. She responded furiously, elbowing me in the chest. The guy then started yelling at me. Thankfully, there were police all around or something else might have happened.

I know it was a stupid thing to do and nothing good was accomplished by it. I could have gotten beat up.

I admitted what I did at the Samson Society meeting last night. One thing I knew is that I could be honest and someone wasn’t going to lecture me or rub my nose in it. I already knew what I had done was wrong. Now I needed someone to walk with me, pray with me and to hope with me for change. It made honesty easier. It made stepping beyond my pride easier.

I made a commitment in my mind that I would do the hardest thing imaginable; I would tell my wife. She already knows that I do many dumb things and it is hard to admit another one to her; but, I want change and transparency. I admit it to you as a reader of this as well. My first step toward freedom is confession. I make a step beyond isolation and pride. I admit I am flawed and need others to help me get beyond myself. It feels good.

I know that impulse can be good sometimes. It can be good to give money or a part of myself without thinking too much about what it will cost me. I need more of that and less of me going around making trouble.

Philip

What If?

History was made last night as the first meeting of the Samson Society in Lakewood, Colorado was held. By God’s grace and through multiplication, many men will find freedom through authentic friendships with other men.

Here is a verse we pondered at the beginning: Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him--a threefold cord is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 ESV) Here is how another version renders verse 10: If one of them falls down, the other can help him up. But if someone is alone and falls, it's just too bad, because there is no one to help him. (Ecclesiastes 4:10 GNB)

I have thought a lot about these verses recently as I have reflected on the objectives of the Samson Society. I don’t want to walk alone anymore. I used to think that a man’s wife prevented him from walking alone. What I have found is that since my wife and I have many times when we are not on the best of terms, I need a friend who can look objectively at my life and help me sort things out.

I came across an article the other day that helped me understand these thoughts even better. It was about lessons from the fall of Ted Haggard. A sidebar written by Nate Larkin, a founder of the Samson Society, provided some great insight. I would encourage you to read the whole thing. Here is a link.

Here are the thoughts I have grabbed from it:

Ever since adolescence, I had wrestled in vain against the unspeakable power of sexual fantasy. I hated the things it made me do and I hated myself for doing them, but I found that I could not hate my sin or hate myself enough to stop. Well, that's not exactly true. I could stop. I just couldn't stay stopped for very long.

I'd tried all the remedies I knew. I'd repented ad nauseam, forswearing illicit sex until I couldn't bring myself to mock my Maker with another empty promise. I'd prayed until my knees hurt, studied until my head swam, memorized Scriptures and repeated them like the rosary. I'd sought counseling. I'd submitted to prayer for deliverance. I'd even confessed to my wife. Each new effort brought some temporary relief, but my hopes for sexual integrity were always dashed eventually.

During the darkest years of my life, I begged God time and again for a private solution to my private problem, but He never gave me one. Today, I'm glad He didn't. Today, I can finally see a purpose in His apparent passivity. My weakness, which the enemy intended to use for evil, God was determined to use for good.

God had not afflicted me, but He had decided not to remove my affliction. He loved me too much to remove from my life the one lever big enough to force me out of isolation and into honest relationships with other disciples. In the end, I found victory over my sin by surrendering not just to Christ, but also to the body of Christ.

That is what I am seeing in my life as well. I’m not going to gain victory over anger or critical speech, etc. by self-improvement and I’m not going to be able to do it alone. Two reasons are that God wants the glory and He wants me in close relationship with other men.

Even though our sins may be different, we are not that different. The solution to our besetting sin may be authentic relationships with others.

So what if this has been the reason all along that even though we have prayed and begged God for help, it has not come; at least until now?

Philip

Samson Society

www.samsonsociety.com

I came across this group several weeks ago. I am intrigued by it. Here is a description of the society:

The Samson Society is a fellowship of Christian men who are serious about authenticity, community, humility and recovery - serious, but not grave. Samson guys are traveling-companions on a great spiritual adventure, not grim pilgrims on a death march to personal holiness. We challenge each other daily to believe the incredible news that God actually knows us, loves us, and has restored us to himself. As we follow Christ together, we find our lives progressively interrupted by righteousness, peace and joy.

We are not a church. We are simply one extension of the church universal.

We are not an "accountability group." Instead of living our lives separately and reporting (or lying) about our progress, we try to live our lives together.

We are not a "men's group." Okay, so there are no women, but that doesn't make us a men's group, does it? Please. Most of us have had it up to here with men's groups.

We are not a 12-step group. Sure, most of us have been trapped in some kind of compulsive activity, but our addictions do not define us, and we do not segregate our membership by behavior.

We are not perfect. Not even close. We are broken individuals, but in our fractured fellowship we find a foretaste of God's approaching re-creation.

For more information about the society, listen to the message I, Samson.

I read the book by one of the founders called Samson and the Pirate Monks. It deepened my hunger to walk like this with other men.

I want to see a chapter formed here in Denver. Anybody with me?

Philip