A Tribute To My Dad

This was written for my Dad's funeral.

Al Faustin

Born: May 8, 1913

Gone with Jesus: September 26, 2004

Psalm 116:15 says: Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints. Two weeks ago, I asked Dad if it was exciting to be getting ready to be with Jesus. His response was that he was looking forward to “adoring Him forever.” That’s how Dad lived his life too.

For many years, I saw in Dad what I wanted to be. Several things stood out: his selflessness, self-sacrifice and willingness to give. Dad had found the secret joy of living his life for others.

Dad’s theology had become biography; it wasn’t just words to him. I learned from Dad that you can’t out give God. Sometimes I thought that he had a hard time accepting things or help from others but what I found out was that he was always looking for a way to give. You would give him something or do something for him and he would look for a way to bless you in return. Many times that took the form of money. I had to learn to gracefully accept it so that his joy could be full.

Dad could receive with gracefulness too. Many times I would get something for him and when presenting it tell him it was a present; then he knew he just had to quietly receive it. Awhile back during the summer he was telling me how when he was going to bed he would get the house nice and cool with the swamp cooler. Then he would wake up and it was too cool so he would have to get up and shut it off. Then he was wide-awake. The next day I got him a remote control so he wouldn’t have to get up. He was so amazed with such a device and thankful for it.

Proverbs 11:24-25 says: One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want. Whoever brings blessings will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered. As the end drew near, I thought it was going to be a hard time for us to provide the care Dad needed in order for him to die at home, as he wanted to. In the end, I for one received far more from him than I ever could have given. It’s kind of hard to explain but it’s as if Biblical truth that I had formerly acknowledged has now become much closer. I truly see that it is more blessed to give than to receive. The cry from my heart is that the truths that I learned from my Dad’s life will forever become a part of me.

Selflessness was a hallmark of Dad’s life. He was always thinking of others and how he could help them. In his last two weeks he needed help to and from the bathroom. At first, he would use his walker and then we ended up having to get him in the wheel chair and take him to the bathroom door. From there it was about six steps to the toilet. We had a portable toilet but he didn’t want to use it. The day before he died, I was helping him back to the wheelchair and the pain in his chest and legs was so intense that he was crying. Once we were back to his chair and the pain subsided all he could say was that he thought he had hurt me. He said, “I almost killed you.” That was Dad; in intense agony and worried about someone else. We then decided that like it or not, we were going to make him use the portable. Later that night my son reported that Dad really thought it was a help. He said that he had resisted because he thought it would be harder for us. So what we thought was stubbornness was really selflessness.

St Francis said: Preach the gospel wherever you go; when necessary use words. Dad’s life was his message. Several weeks ago, when it was clear that we were nearing the end of Dad’s life I prayed that he would go quickly and without suffering. Then I was reminded that his whole life had been full of suffering and adversity. What made me think it was going to change at this point? He constantly reminded us that we must take up our cross daily. I realized that the things he went through helped make him the wonderful man that he was. Then I realized that I was probably praying that prayer more for my sake than his.

When Jesus was beaten and died on the cross, what He suffered was not for Him or because of Him but for us. In the morning of Dad’s last two days, he said that he didn’t know someone could have so much pain and live. If you knew him, you know that for him to say that, the pain had to be incredible. Yet, he didn’t complain or whine. He accepted it and went on with his day. On Sunday when he died, the pain never let up until he drifted into the sleep where he died a couple of hours later. An interesting thing was that the sermon Dad heard on TV the morning of his death was on Job. How fitting.

Dad’s suffering had a purpose too. It let us see that his character was the same no matter what. He didn’t change when the fire was turned up. His pain was for our gain. I realized this week that because Dad needed help the last two years I was able to see him almost every day. What a gift that was. The blessing I received had a price for him though; he was no longer mobile like he had been. He was now the recipient of care rather than the one who was able to care for so many others.

So as I sum it up in my mind I realize that the reason Dad was such a great guy was not because he was born that way but because he was a humble and devoted follower of Jesus. As he followed, he was molded and changed into the man we love and will now miss so much.

Second Corinthians 5:15 says: Christ died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf. There is Dad’s message to us.

Psalms 90:12 says: Teach us to number our days so that we may present to you a heart of wisdom. Dad lived 33379 days and especially in the later part of his life received each one as a gift. His wisdom I will treasure always.

It is a privilege to have known him, to be his son and to know that I get to spend eternity with him.

Well done good and faithful servant!

Philip

Tribute to my Mom

My experience with motherhood was different from many people. I was given up for adoption as a baby. I was adopted at three months old by Al and Ida Faustin. I have always been thankful that abortion was not common in my birth year like it is today. If it had been, I probably would not have survived.

My mother Ida could not have children. She always had various medical problems and as a result lost the ability to give birth herself. Yet, she desperately wanted to be a mother. My dad and she adopted three children. I was in the middle. An interesting thing is that the earliest memory I have is being at the orphanage when we got my sister. I would have been about three years old. I have several snapshots in my mind from that time. One was going through the orphanage looking at different kids; one was sitting in a courtroom and another of my new sister in the front seat between my mom and dad looking back at my brother and me when we took her home. She had a huge smile on her face.

My mother was sick a lot. She had rheumatic fever as a child and many other health problems. From what I heard, there were many surgeries and hospitalizations. As a child, I remember many of those. It seemed that even when she was home, much of the time she wasn’t very well. I’m sure that made it very hard to be the mother she always wanted to be.

My mom died when I was 15. That changed things dramatically around our house. It made the job harder for my dad but I know he did everything he could to provide structure and care for us. I am absolutely thankful for the parents God provided for me. They were devoted to God and to their family.

Here is a line from a poem that many of us have heard: The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world. Here is the rest of it:

They say that man is mighty,
He governs land and sea,
He wields a mighty scepter
O'er lesser powers than he.
But a mighty power and stronger
Man from his throne has hurled:
For the hand that rocks the cradle
is the hand that rules the world.
-William Wallace

What truth! Be thankful for a good mother. And something so important for today is for us to recognize and support motherhood. It’s value has been diminished both in and out of the church. We need to bring it back.

Even Mother’s Day has been diluted in the church. Something that bugs me is that it is not the big deal it used to be. There may be a mention but then we get on to other things. Or, it is broadened to cover all woman because we don’t want to exclude the infertile, the childless-by-choice, the single, etc. Sorry, it’s Mother’s Day and there is a reason for that.

So I give tribute to my mother and to the mother of my children. The world is a different and better place because of the job they have done.

Philip

Help Someone Live

Recently Barry Fey said to a reporter friend: "I really don't have anything to live for." A week later suicide came. Yet there were four sons and grandchildren. What about that?

Darkness comes and our vision is severely decreased. Life closes in and we see little good.

I see why encouragement is so powerful and needed. Most of us who have an honest view of our life feel pretty crappy about it especially in the dark times.

We can help other people have a reason to live and live better by giving them a little encouragement. We can bring some light to the dark place. Our words can help them see that they are better than they think.

But here is what I know for sure. I want to make sure people know they are crappy. I fear my good words may empower them to keep on going in their bad ways so I may withhold the encouragement that would help.

The truth is that most of us are our own worst critic. We know what we are doing wrong and feel helpless to do anything about it because our best efforts fall short. That is where encouragement can make a big difference. Someone from the outside can show us where we have changed and those sweet words will help us move beyond the dark place when we feel stuck and wonder why we should even try – again.

Think about this: If you treat a man as he is, he will stay as he is.  But if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become the bigger and better man.
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Philip

How to Raise a Brat

I took Matt and Andy to the opening of the new Light Rail line yesterday. There were larger crowds than we encountered several years ago when the other section opened. At most of the stops there was music, businesses represented, and some games for the kids to play and a few giveaways. Oh, did I mention massive crowds?

I was reminded of how to raise a brat at one of the giveaways. You would spin a wheel and depending on where it landed you won various prizes. Of course many of the kids were disappointed that they didn’t get something other than what they won.

As we were getting ready to spin a dad brought his boy up and said that the child wanted to trade his cheesy prize for the coveted ball. The people at the booth obliged and then the dad tried to get the boy to give back the first prize of which bratty boy was unwilling to part with. He soon walked away with both, having learned that the threatened meltdown in public does get you what you want.

It was sad that the parent was unwilling to teach this little tyrant that you don’t always get what you want and that is how life is. Instead this reinforced behavior will lead to increased demands in the future and someday little boy will get slapped in the face by life and find out that he can’t bully everyone.

Many of us are screwed up later in life because we and others were unwilling to confront our lusts when they were budding. In the same way we have to take the small, good steps back to a healthy life.

Philip